40

I turned 40 today and felt like writing down a list of things I learned along the way. Some of it might be redundant, some of it is as melodramatic as a “carpe diem” motivational poster, but hey, I enjoyed writing it and you don’t have to read it.

So without further ado, here are 40 things I learned going around the sun 40 times, in no particular order.

1. Always look for the helpers — no matter how bad the situation, there’s always someone helping others and doing good. Focus on those.
2. Learn about your own biases — the tricks your mind plays with you shape your worldview in unintuitive ways. Learning about and understanding your own privileges and biases better will make you understand the world better.
3. Family & Friends before everything else — career, money, fame, coolness. All nothing without someone to share it with.
4. Don’t do anything just for the money — this quote, attributed to the late Steve Jobs, sums it up nicely: “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.”
5. Treat the janitor like you would treat the CEO — try not to get impressed by titles, clothes or status symbols. Character shows in the way you treat the people you don’t have to treat well.
6. Care less about the things you cannot change — if it’s outside of your influence, don’t waste too much time worrying about it.
7. Start before you feel ready — perfectionism kills progress.
8. Don’t care about what others think — other people will either like (great!), don’t like (ok as well) or don’t care at all about what you do. Most will not care at all.
9. Create stuff — it actually doesn’t matter, how or what. Making stuff exist in the world, that did not exist before is pure magic. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. Listen to your parents (and grandparents) — older people lived more than you. Learn to listen to their advice. I could’ve learned this one earlier.
11. Don’t listen to your parents too much — look, nothing against parents (I’m one myself), but they’re genetically hard-wired to protect you and that’s like poison for anything even semi-risky or ambitious. So: listen to their advice, but don’t take it word for word.
12. Find things you love — enthusiasm is like a cheat-code for life. Try to find the things you truly love doing and big things become easy.
13. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t — trying to find that something is much more important than what you know (more a note to myself, than something I learned, I still suck at this!)
14. Most limits are imaginary — we can do so much more than we think. Any limit besides the laws of physics is primarily in your head.
15. Ask for permission to criticize — if someone doesn’t want to hear your opinion, you can spare both of you some time and energy by keeping it to yourself.
16. Criticize actions, not people — if you do criticize, don’t criticize persons, but their actions.
17. More often than not, it’s not about you — we are the main character in our own lives but not merely a footnote in almost all of the others. Most things are not even remotely about you.
18. The world is good — yes, we wrecked the climate and lots of other shit is happening at all times. But overall, there’s still much more good in the world than bad. You just mostly hear about the bad stuff.
19. Always listen to your kids — they teach you at least as much as you teach them. Be prepared to listen.
20. Don’t believe everything you think — learn to question your own thoughts, and ask yourself “But what if I’m wrong?” as often as you can.
21. Happiness is found inside — as clichéd as it sounds: No relationship, no career, no status-symbol, no drug and nothing else from outside of your own self will make you happy. Once you find it, everything improves.
22. Don’t regret stuff — never helps.
23. Everything can be learned and/or improved — don’t set unnecessary limits on what you are capable of. “I’m just not good with numbers”, “I’m bad at remembering names”, “I am a bad writer” should be opportunities for growth, not excuses.
24. Try to make someone’s day, every day — hold that door open for that person running to the train, help someone out with those groceries, tell someone you like their hat. Sometimes, it’s a small gesture that will make someone’s day. And more often than not, it will make yours too in return!
25. This too shall pass — I struggled with serious anxiety a lot in the past 15 years. One thing that almost always helps, is focusing on things that are going to happen after the thing I fear. Almost nothing that matters to you now, will be important to you in 10 years.
26. Learning things is fun — don’t let a bad school experience fool you (like it did me) into thinking that learning is not fun. Learning a new skill is hard in the beginning, gets easier with time and then you are able to do a thing that you couldn’t before. Magic!
27. Your attitude matters — we’ve all heard “if life throws you lemons, make lemonade”. No matter what happens in your life, there’s always more than one way of looking at it. Try finding the angle that lets you make the most of it.
28. Find a sport you really like — I spent way too much time of my life thinking that I “am just not that into sports” only to find out I absolutely love cycling in my thirties.
29. Ask for help — people are often way more supportive than you think. Asking is free. Of course, return the favor when it’s your turn.
30. Don’t take life too seriously — being able to laugh about yourself is one of the most important life skills.
31. Go to therapy before you absolutely must — should’ve gone sooner more than once.
32. Finding a partner is about much more than romance — ideally your partner is your best friend, teaches you things, laughs at your silly jokes and, most importantly, disagrees with you more often than anyone else.
33. Trust generously — you’ll get burned from time to time, but it gets returned most of the time.
34. It’s never too late — start those piano lessons, take up pottery, try out whatever new thing you like. It’s never too late to do whatever you want. No one judges you but yourself.
35. Blame yourself for almost everything — sounds harsh, but I don’t mean this in a negative way at all. Blaming yourself for something gives you the power to fix it. Blaming others won’t.
36. Don’t smoke — it’s one of the most stupid choices I made in my life and it took me years and several attempts to quit.
37. Addictions suck the air out of your life — whether smoking, alcohol and other substances, social media or doomscrolling. To be free, cut out as many addictions from your life as you possibly can.
38. Optimism is a choice — if possible, always choose “But what if it works” over “This won’t work”.
39. More could, less should — there will always be endless possibilities to almost everything. Saying “I could do…” feels like a possibility, “I should do…” feels like a missed obligation.
40. Life isn’t so bad after all. ❤️